This is not one of those posts where I try to be level-headed and diplomatic
I didn’t plan for my first post of 2014 to be an angry rant, but then a celebrity overdosed on heroin and the usual flotilla of sanctimonious douche canoes descended. Heads-up: there is a lot of swearing below. Sorry not sorry.
Fucked-up Things People Say about Addicts who Die of an Overdose
“Why should I feel sad about someone who chose to take drugs?”
Because they are a human being who was probably in a lot of pain, and most non-sociopathic people are capable of feeling sad when other people are in so much pain that it causes their death.
“They made bad choices. It’s their own fault.”
Ever played chicken as a teenager? Ever jaywalked? Ever texted while crossing an intersection? Ever drank too much at a party and passed out? Ever ridden a bike without a helmet? Ever got behind the wheel even though you barely slept the night before, or answered that one really important phone call while driving? Ever taken a shortcut across railroad tracks? Ever stood on the top part of the ladder that says “no step”? Ever swam out further than the lifeguard told you was safe? All of these things are bad choices with potentially fatal consequences. Unless you are a fucking saint you have no right to judge.
“There are better ways to handle pain. I have been depressed before too and I didn’t take drugs to deal with it.”
How nice for you. You have not lived the same life with the same circumstances as every other depressed person.
Most people don’t decide to become addicts. Most of them start experimenting with alcohol and drugs in youth, when their judgement and ability to understand long-term consequences is not fully developed. They want to feel good and escape from reality. They do not believe it will snowball to the point where they are no longer in control. By the time it does, it is already too late.
“Addiction is not a disease. Taking drugs is always a choice.”
Never mind the fact that medical science is just maybe a better authority on this than you, let’s pretend that you’re right, and every time a person overdoses, it is entirely an act of free will. So we shouldn’t feel sympathy for these people because……… ? They were in such misery and had so little regard for their own well-being that they didn’t give a shit about what they were doing to themselves? If that causes you to feel less sympathy rather than more, you are not someone I want to know.
“People who turn to drugs are stupid, weak and cowardly. They get what they deserve.”
If you were crossing a bridge and you saw a person about to jump to their death, what would you do? A) Call the police or try to talk them down. B) Shrug your shoulders, decide that they are too stupid, weak and cowardly to bother with, and move on. C) Push them off. If your answer is anything other than A, you should probably be seeing a psychiatrist.
“You can’t help people who won’t help themselves.”
I am the last person you need to tell this to. I gave up. I stopped trying to figure out how to help my brother when it became clear that there was nothing I could do. That doesn’t mean I stopped caring, or that I shut him out, or decided he deserved it. And it certainly didn’t make the fact of his death any easier. I hate, hate the fact that the way he died diminishes the significance of his death in some people’s eyes. Like it was any less traumatic. Like his life was somehow less worthy of our remembrance.
Both my brother and Mr. Hoffman did try to get help. I can’t speak for the actor, but in my brother’s case, he jumped through all the ridiculous hoops necessary to access the badly-underfunded services that do the best they can with pitifully minimal resources. It was not enough.
“I’m entitled to my opinion.”
Yes, you are entitled to be an insensitive and condescending prick. What good is that doing anyone? Do you think it helps already-tormented people to be told that they are weak and pathetic and shameful? Do you think it helps grieving family members and fans to hear that their grief is pointless and misplaced?
If you have not personally experienced the heartache of watching someone you love descend into this disease – and I sincerely hope you don’t, because it is not something I would wish even on a judgemental asshole – you have no fucking clue what you are talking about. Keep your ignorant and harmful opinions to yourself.