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Lost Boy

March 10, 2010

It’s a well-known (and much-exploited) fact that adolescent girls tend to become rather obsessive in their infatuations, and I was no different. When I logged on to Facebook this morning and read that Corey Haim had died, I stared at the screen in a kind of half-stupefied way for about five minutes. It was surreal. It was like somebody had informed me that the 1980’s never really happened, that I had been in a coma and dreamt the whole thing.

I hadn’t really thought about him in years, of course, but as a teenager, my entire universe revolved around him. I was obsessed in a devout, meticulous, methodical kind of way. I tracked down every movie and interview and thirty-second TV clip in which he made an appearance, and watched them repeatedly. I cut out every tiny picture of his face from every magazine and kept them in a box. His preferences in books, music, movies, and fashion dictated mine. I observed his birthday as a personal holiday. And when I developed an actual genuine case of Obsessive–Compulsive Disorder, his name became a mantra that warded off misfortune and unspeakable thoughts.

Looking back on it, the OCD helped to draw out this infatuation long past its natural shelf-life. I became devoted to the infatuation itself as much as to its object. (It also provided my subconscious with an alibi when I started having crushes on girls in high school: Of course I’m not gay – look how obsessed I am with Corey Haim!) Over the years, as I began to heal myself of this particular neurosis, I boxed up this phase of my life and put it on a shelf in the back of my mind – and there it stayed, relatively untouched until this morning.

My thirty-three-year-old, emotionally and mentally stable, grown-up self felt a moment of surprise and pity, and then got on with her day. But the thirteen-year-old inside me, who had truly believed he was invincible in a godlike way, is shocked to her core.

  1. Blair permalink
    March 31, 2010 11:54 am

    You posted a mini synopsis on facebook if I remember right. I think I put up a RIP message on my page that day, so a part of me hopes it wasn’t I that delivered this message to you.

    As much as I did not have an OCD relationship with Corey, I too was sad. In reality I may not have ever thought of him the way you did, but I liked his work. Especially licence to drive. Still one of my favourite 80’s movies

    Don’t feel weird about mourning him. When Micheal Jackson died I felt what I can only equate to a similar type of experience. And at the end of the day it wasn’t that I missed MJ. Like most his later years me showed a complete lack of good judgement, but it was what his earlier music reminded me off. Various momentous occasions in my life. First music video I ever saw, favourite music video ever, songs that made me delve into pop culture, songs that made me look at myself int he mirror, songs that preached equality and love and songs that reminded me of loves past.

    A part of your life just died. It is to be mourned, even if it seems odd,

  2. April 1, 2010 8:42 pm

    It was, in fact, your FB post that I read first. Such is the way people get their news in this day and age. :)

    “A part of your life just died” – Yes, that’s exactly it. I didn’t write it that way because it felt silly to express it like that, but that is how it seemed.

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